If you guys have been watching The Bachelor this season, you know that last week’s episode was ‘the most dramatic yet”. 😝
Kirpa told Colton (the bachelor) that Cassie wasn’t ready for marriage, basically based on her own personal assessment of Cassie. Drama. My sister and I really took it personal, we are Team Cass all the way. Is that a thing? It should definitely be a thing.
Anyway, if you’re NOT watching The Bachelor and are sitting there judging me for investing 2 hours of every week to watching the show WITH commercials, instead of all the wise people who have the patience to watch it on Hulu the next day, then you should know that the point of this entry is not to catch you up on the latest Bachelor Nation drama.
It’s to confess that while watching The Bachelor this week I was reminded of how
I WAS IN NO WAY READY TO GET MARRIED WHEN I DID,
but I did it anyways.
If planning a wedding with the first boy I had legitimately ever dated (let alone held hands, kissed, etc.) wasn’t crazy enough, you should also know I was 19 for a fresh three days when I got married, AND we decided to wait to have sex until after we were married.
Unheard of. I can hear all you Bachelor Nation fans gasping in disbelief.
When I look back, I can now see that a lot of our choices as a couple were heavily influenced by the community we were in. I can’t speak for Bobby, but at the time I didn’t really feel like we had options based on the beliefs of the people we loved and respected.
Based on the beliefs of our community at that time, if we wanted to be together, we had to get married.
Which goes against everything Kirpa implied last week (to bring it back to obviously The Bachelor). Because yah, ideally I would’ve had some adult years under my belt and some life experiences that had matured me so I could carry them into my lifelong commitment to Bobby.
But that wasn’t the case. And I ended up having to learn how to become fully Ciara (as all 20 somethings do) AND how to become a wife.
It was uphill friends.
And the worst part was, Bobby got the brunt of all my immaturity and lack of life experience, as I did his.
Being married at 19 and 20 meant we had to grow up fast and sometimes I wonder if we ended up missing out on a fun phase of being a dating young adult-ish couple because we chose to get married so young and therefore signed up for all the responsibilities that came with it.
There is so much pressure when you get married, to be adults or whatever. To buy a house and have babies. And yah, obviously we wanted those things, but we were 19 and 20 so we also wanted to hang out with our friends, show up to work after 4 hours of sleep, spend all our savings on tickets to Taylor Swift and John Mayer, and eat pb&j’s for every meal. But instead we spent money on a plate set and a vacuum, we struggled to keep our single friends regardless of how much we loved them because we had to put most of our relational effort into our marriage, we worked overtime, and did errands like taking said vacuum to the electric hospital (which you shouldn’t even know is a thing when you’re 19 and 20).
So yah, I wasn’t ready to get married to Bobby. Really not from any angle,...
THE ONLY THING I KNEW,
the only thing I know most days,...
Is that I want to be with that man every single freaking day of my life.
He is kind and generous, passionate and loyal. He is more committed to my dreams and growth then I am to my own. He forgives and communicates better than anyone I know and has blue eyes that I want to swim in every day. He is devoted to God so much that it scares the shit out of me. He is so funny and randomly genuinely adores me and all of my quirks. On top of his amazing character we share hobbies, and favorite foods, the dislike of camping and the intense loyalty to the ruggedness of the Oregon Coast that only a local would understand.
The craziest part about all of this is that in the end, the connection I have with him plus the intense desire to be with him,
is all that matters in the end.
It covered the fact that I wasn’t ready to be a wife.
It covered the fact that I was still 19 and only as mature as a 19 year old can be.
It covered that we had little experience communicating, fighting, and charting our own feelings.
It covered it all.
THE DUMBED DOWN VERSION OF THIS ENTRY
Checklist for a good life partner:
Are they a good person? Does their family, co-workers, community, friends, say they are a good person?
Do we share passions, beliefs, desires for our futures, and some hobbies?
Can I be 100% me with them and visa-versa?
Please note desire is last because to be genuine (aka not lust) it must be based off of numbers 1 and 2
Do you want to spend a part of everyday with this person?